I know this post is about forgiveness, but I am not at that stage in my story yet and this really stood out to me. It explains my feelings perfectly:
Here’s the thing about being adopted. Your story always begins with someone (in my case, two someones) giving you up. We use a ton of fancy words for it and provide lots of affirming explanations for why it happened, but the fact is your beginning is an end. And endings are painful, even if they are for the best. And for me, the pain was real. Often unspoken. Frequently ignored. Rarely understood. Always stuffed down. But real. Because … I still felt abandoned. Not worth choosing. Not worth fighting for. Hurt. And those feelings don’t go away easily. … The hurt fades, but it doesn’t disappear.
(Thank you, Becky).